[you doorknob]

Birthday partaaaay! Well, saying birthday party kinda sounds childish, haha.

Today is Daryl's birthday - he invited us like 2-3 weeks prior to today so I had no reason to just back out, besides he's a close friend sooo I'll definitely not miss this day.

It was _almost_ a disaster. Prior to today, someone just had to invite everyooone from CT - was that a bad thing? At first sight, no, but come on. He invited us and not everyone for a reason, let's respect that.

Maaaan, I missed the route I used to take :)) As usual, we meet up at Jolibee - Waltermart, and hang out there until everyone arrives. And not buying anything from Jolibee, despite taking up their seats :3 I arrived first and saw the birthday boy (he's still 16, will be 17 11:53 or something tonight!). I was joking around and called Rico and Raf that their late, despite it being 10 mins still earlier than the appointed time. Soo everyone else: Irvin, Gelo, Rishi, Donne, Bryle, then Domeng.

We went to Yellow Cab, mmmm~ Cheeeeeese-overloaded pizza was <3 <3 haha. Raf whore'd up the meat pizza and because of that, Donne wasn't able to eat/taste it. Talk here and there, it was fun :)

Afterwards, we went to MoA - man Sng was loaded today :)) He treated us even the jeep, and we're like 10 people :D Anyway, on the way to MoA, I was talking to Rico about endings, true, good, and bad. And how I just managed to get True end! Also, the Nanami-hand scene from chaos; head :)))) (more...)

My name is Takumi. I am a student from Seimei Academy, and this is how my highschool life unfolds.

In the presence of my loving and adorable little sister, Nanami.

My megane-sempai whom I share common interests with, Yua.

Two people who I just met, Aoi and Kozue.

The friend on which I can definitely rely on, Rimi.

And the popular indie singer, FES, or rather - Ayase.

They all hold a special meaning to me - and I choose...

(more...)

Bricks has been shat.

I've been playing constantly ever since I got home and I finished upto chapter 2.

One of the things I really notice is its difference from everything I have ever played, but for a reason. The last eroge/novels translated was years old, it was kind of refreshing playing a recently released one, thus, the more 'advanced' features in comparison to its older predecessors.

Graphics. Ever since ef demo, I was constantly waiting and hoping for nn1 to finish it - particularly the art of ef was astounding. And there's also the fact that their eyes are blinking, and sprites are voice-synchronized when the character is speaking.

These are all implemented in Chaos;Head - the actual sprites and drawings are shiny and beautiful as you expect from an eroge. Some backgrounds are actually rendered in 3d, including some characters. One of the first :O-inducing things I experienced in the game is the fact that Takumi(you)'s room is in 3d, you even look around your room :D But the figurines you own are like, static 2d pictures so it's like out of place and doesn't look good when you focus on looking at them because of the whole 3d thing.

However, the whole 3d thing doesn't exactly make the visuals better. I feel that the extra (background) characters got a bit too out of placed by making them 3d-with-no-features that with an implication they aren't important - that's okay but it looks kinda out. I'm also finding some issues on some of the rendered places - they look ugly, plus the fact that the whole 3d-rendition quality is like, 10 years ago quality.

One of the more prominent change from older eroge is the interface - partly because this is a thriller/psychological genre, but also it looks clean that way. The (non-existant) interface ensures the reader to actually focus on the novel itself, and read it like one and not really treat it as a game. (more...)

Shift for SPRINT! The other daaay ago, I was given this brown envelope. And it contained an invation of somesort to a group/pseudo-org named SPRINT - which later I found out that everyone who have a GPA of at least 3 were invited into it. Basically, according to the booklet, it's a CSS-exclusive org of producing/molding the students into leaders etc etc.

I pressed shift as hard as I can so I can sprint pass the record time.

And I thought, why not? Actually, I didn't reaaally thought about it much - I was supposed to pass one of the small papers within the same day and when Miggy and the others told me they were going to pass it, I just joined them (with barely even reading the pamphlet and stuff).

I find myself at an :| haha. When I just compare myself to Miggy, Gem and Charie, I am ;_;'d. It's liiike I don't think I'm in the right place - these people are down right smart soooo I feel out of place :)) /ggwpwp

Anyway, last Tuesday I had the interview required for the whole thing. I _think_ I was the fiiiirst blood, because afaik, the first interview starts on Tuesday, _and_ I was the first one scheduled there. Haha. So anyway, I just did my best and got interviewed, told them what I can do etc etc. Oh, and "How would you put an elephant in a cave?" is a lol-inducing question. Also, I was kinda lucky - the morning of that day I was on a whim, reading yahoo group messages and it soon was asked in the interview about some current events happening within the school so it was *phewphew*

Another interesting thing I'd like to share is that, I was asked how should a leader act, and my experience, since I wrote in the application form that I was the president of the webteam. What did I said? I wasn't exaaactly telling my experience acting as a leader for the webteam, but rather, for my current and previous DotA teams :3 But really, I was into the whole team chemistry, bond and trust with the team, emphasizing on trust and teamwork :))

Verdict? I'm not sure at all! The whole interview thing was really kind of a unique experience, that I liked :D Regardless, pass or not pass, it's okayokay npnp - it's their loss, not mine! jk :)

---

Forward, Back back back back. That's the forward basic step in Cha-cha. Today, we just had our practical exam on Dance, obviously on Cha-cha.

I want to dance like Iori

It was kinda ;_;, I completely forgot about it though I did have some time before the actual exam to practice a bit, but I was unsure on the turn/spin part, ahaha.

So I just did what I have to do --- But there's something completely wrong when you're supposed to be dancing _alone_. Well, not alone-alone, but you and your partner are being watched. By everyone. And you're the only one dancing, haha. I wasn't exactly nervous, but since I barely practiced the steps, it was kinda failfail especiaaally on the spin part.

That, and add the whole chemistry thing I was talking about with the interview :)) Also, I was wiiishing for illya to wake up or something, but I don't think it happened.

So down with the exam, I was called, I danced here and there, making wrong footwork with the spins, I think but most probably 99% yes, then barely 75% of the whole dance, it was over - the teacher asked for the next one ;_;

It's either one of these two things; I am so great, the teacher thought that she'd just give me 4s, or I'm too sloppy and it's a disgrace for her eyes to see such a bad sight ;_; Of course, as much as I would like it to be the first, I'm most positive it's the latter one, but since 30% of the grade comes from my fellow blockmates (meaning: insta-high), I guess it's okayokay.

---

DotA 6.56! The latest version of DotA opened up new doors for me, well, instead of telling about what happened in game (and how I am abusing 7-T (dagger-stomp centaur)), more of as how it affects/ed me.

Chase is baaaaaack! Well, not 100%, but there's at least 25% of him playing with us :) It started from the day when 6.55 was released, since there was no one else online I could talk to, I joked about it, and hey, he made a comeback so yeaaaaah <3

Dagger abuse, plus less game time. Daggers significantly improved the play of the team, well sorta. Paul was a veteran dagger abuser + me + strats so it was /gg. That, plus we made kind of a rewrite on the mct/warding rules so Calvin now at least comes out with a dagger :) Another good thing about the version is that the winner is more or less decided within 40 minutes, unlike the old 1hour games. Of course, that totally depends on the game, but it's a good break to see games finish faster!

The other day, we had this pseudo-blockwars, wrongly termed because it was a battle _within_ the block and not interblock or something. Haha - well the point here is that evan carries hard :D Also, Joey plays good too, too bad I don't think they'll be interested playing dC (kinda) competitive games :))

Puck(moleculz lol) isn't a fluke. Well, sometimes! Giving the support some air-times, I'm opening and searching for the potentials of the team, or rather, what's left of it. But there's one problem though, chicken ;_; He needs to improve moooore, but hey, we still have 3/4 years left so it's viable :) (that or disband :()

---

I will start on that massive left-mouse-button'ing again. So rolling my dice, I hoped for the best and asked Calvin if he could get me a copy of Chaos;Head, since he was offering me his internet the other day ago. And yeaaaaaaaaah!

Well, recently I've read the first chapter of the manga, and the first episode of the new anime series, and I'm still thinking whether or not should I finish the anime before moving on, etc.

May be NSFW, but there's got to be a problem with you if you really think it is.
Seira-taaan!

My first impressions, looking from the anime and manga, is that it's going to be really great. The first EP was done nicely, but of course I have to see more about it!

Chaos;Head visual novel has been on my radar ever since it's release, and moreso when it was announced to have a series based of it. Too bad my internet is doooown the whole time, but Calvin opens up a new possibility, especially so for my eroge/vn playing so it's a g g g!

If this didn't/doesn't make sense, you'll know about it soon :3

---

There's an invisible wall, preventing me to go to 'that' place.
'That' place is within my reach, but this wall is preventing me.

So, I thought, I break the wall down.
But anything I do is futile and it doesn't work.

Then, I'll just live my life with the wall.
And try to understand it - the reason why it is there, and...

How to finally break free.

I feel you, Sacchin. Then again, this didn't make sense because Sacchin isn't anything like me ;_;

I really feel like this whole introvert thing is getting in the waaay. It's reaaally weird, I find conversations pointless and trivial (as they are), but I'm more and more longing for it - it contradicts the whole point of being an introvert! ;_; I am beginning to understand how a simple good morning feels good, but what I don't understand is how I can bareeeeely do such a simple thing ;_;

Notice: speedwrite.

Compro2 is rage. Perioooooood.

Haha, so like we're thrown right in the face two major projects - the two phase MP and a group Case Study, both of which requiring a program. But the rage-inducing part is that it's not just a program, it involves massive research outside the context of the lesson. At least, that's the way I project it...

Honestly, a program made under the 'norm' from whatever we have only discussed is too minimal to make anything good - at this rate, the program will be hard to do because the output is not concise or clear. What do I mean.

So like the MP is like make a game-show'ish program/game. The problem is, how can you make something attractive, or at least, something that looks like a game at all without teaching anything graphics programming? I mean, it might be reasonable IF the game didn't involve kinda a good amount of graphics with it, but noooo, drawing a table, shading it, constantly clearing/changing the screen doesn't seem like a normal thing to do ;_;

Right now I'm looking at the possiblity of any minor graphics using DJGPP's defaaault headerfiles, but I have to check up tomorrow in the lab if I can really do it. A bad bad thing is that nVidia cards stop supporting somethings yadayadayada meaning? I can't open my old C Hangman program anymore, I can't test any graphics programming ;_; Thankfully, there's DOS Box and my Hangman ran again xD I miiiiiised it so much <3

Bad part: DJGPP pseudo-graphics needs some additional 'csdpmi*b.zip' - I installed it but it still doesn't work, at least on DOS Box. Sooooo if tomorrow in the lab it doesn't work, I'll have to scratch the whole graphics concept and...

Craaaawl with silly ASCII-based game, with constant clrscr();'s.

Another thing to think about is the Case Study. We're going to make a system about an inventory/mini-sales system. The problem here is I'm not currently sure if we are going to learn file i/o in time, which is desperately neeeded in this project. The thing is, MP phase 1 doesn't involve file i/o, and only phase 2 requires it. The point? MP phase 1 and case study's deadline are within a similar date ;_;

Hurraaah for systems that has hard info within the program itself? That, or advance study on file i/o ;_;

Of course, this is partly RAAAGE, but at the same time, a challenge. That I am kinda hesitant but no-choice so let's doooo it! I don't know about the others though, so glgl ;_;

Saya is not amused by this turn of events.

(since the speedwrite includes the pic, i didn't looked properly ;_;)

I was bored the other day, and so I thought, "Why don't I clean my desktop?". At the same time, I almost forgot that it was around Halloween already so a change of wallpaper would also be good. And at the same time (yet again), I found myself thinking I should customize my desktop a bit after delaying it 92034 times already.

My new desktop

1. Wallpaper - actually, it doesn't seem to fit the season at all, it doesn't feel Halloween-ish. But it's kind of unique and looks great so why not! Plus plus points for illya!
2. Aquanox Windows Theme - I actually had this one from my old searches. Gives off a more blending aqua/blue-ish color and a refreshing change from Windows' default theme!
3. Rainlendar2 - (upper part) the app acts like, duh, a calendar! It's pretty handy because it reminds you of events and such (as seen on the pop-up on the lower right), and there's a wide sets of skins you can use!
4. Rainmeter - (upper right) contains basic, at the same time, important information about the system. Same as with rainlendar, it's very customizable with a lot of available skins so it's really handy (but the upload/download speed makes me cry :D)
5. Rocket Dock - (left part) is a handy app that allows you to put shortcuts etc, as well as widgets and stuff. Great for quick access to commonly opened programs. You can also make it auto-hide similar to the windows taskbar so i doesn't obstruct the view :3
6. Launchy - (lower right), if you thought Rocket Dock was great, then Launchy is even better! Basically, you can call any programs you want to by just typing it - think Firefox 3's Address Bar. You can easily summon it using a shortcut you can customize. Really, there's no need for the start menu any more!

I actually activated the Taskbar Auto-hide because I really don't have the use for it anymore - Alt+Tab for changing windows, then Launchy + RocketDock in exchange for Start Menu. Actually, my desktop still isn't clean like what I was originally intending to do in the first place - I just didn't show the desktop icons but if you saw them, even a resolution twice my current can't even handle the number of icons in it! Haha

I still have to fill up Rainlendar because now it acts just like a brand new calendar without anything written on it :P Also I need to configure RocketDock more because apparently, the only shortcuts I need is Warcraft, and Connect to Internet :))

So, what does your desktop look like? :D

We had our first long exam this term - in compro2 the other day ago. It was hard, but it was alright, I guess! But I haven't really practiced and stuff so I'm not as confident as I usually am this time, but that doesn't let me down at all!

---

I was thinking, expectations. And the day arrived - the day of our first outreach activity in NSTP-CWTS. I prepared extra early than the usual, and actually arrived an hour and a half before the meeting time ;_; Luckily (or, unluckily) I met Josh in the LRT so it wasn't all that bad.

Waiting and waiting for the time to fly-by, we were the first ones in our block there... Or so we thought - we soon later saw them in the jeep we were going to ride. Whether before we got there or after, we will never know :O

calvin and the others proclaimed we get a jeep of our own - Dragon Clan jeep! :D There were 3 jeeps, 1 occupied by Miggy's group, 2nd by Greg (lol) and third is free, so we naturally conquered it! Well, not really, soon Alex and the others rode with us :p

The travel time was around an hour or so. They were talking here and there, while we saw Miggy's jeep was kinda wild where it was like midly tilting left and right! :D

Arriving at the site, I partnered up with Christian as we went into the site. It was simple, really. Just accomodate and live with the host family for a few hours, sharing time together and stuff. Although two introverts is not exactly a good combo for things like this, nevertheless it was really fun. It was an experience maybe normal or trivial to others, but I felt really welcome.

My perception of the poor community changed a bit, not entirely though. But one thing is for sure - these are just the same with us. Living our lives, whatever our circumstances may be, we just live and do so.

The outreach ended, and we were headed home, maybe because everyone was tired, the jeep was kinda silent most of our travel time going home.

---

It was a simple fun. But maybe I really wasn't having fun around.

Today was AniCon, a convention like the usual. But I didn't go. Partly because I was tired from yesterday (outreach), or maybe I was a bit angry. Or jealous, but for no reason at all.

I don't know, but I posed a question to myself. Why am I going to such an event? For fun? It was no longer fun when you realize that the people I am going is not entirely 'fun' to be with during these cases. For bonding? But the people I was going to go with made me felt betrayed, more of a selfish reason, but at the same time - of their selfishness too. For the sake of it? But honestly - I don't see what's in a convention apart from seeing booths here and there and somesort of cosplay competition - to which I'm not exactly fond of.

Without any reason - and will to go, my body felt like completely sleepy. I honestly slept (kinda) early around 12am in the night, to which I should be waking up around 10. But I completely felt sleepy, lazy. There were times I was about to be up, but I don't feel like it, so I continue to lie down and sleep again. Again and again, until I finally woke up around 12.

Maybe because I was tired yesterday? Or maybe I regretted a decision, maybe just recently, or a long term decision I made.

Rod is a doorknob. I said yesterday that I might not go. And then he was texting me this morning. And I told him, Good morning, and I wasn't going. And he continued to text me as if I was going <.<

---

---

The red dusk. It's not exactly rare to see the sunset and leave a slight reddish/pinkish glow in the sky. But it felt weird - it was... beautiful. I had never seen the sunset at that color, at that point of view.

And within me, it stands as a reflection. ...but exactly what?

---

The title doesn't exactly apply to all of these. But these experiences are definitely unique. Maybe not as special as the first time, but maybe as great as the second. What does that mean, even I don't know.

PS: Yumizuka needs a route ;_; Plzplz Tsukihime 2 give her one and not just a subplot for SHIKI acting up.

Recollection - reflection and reminiscence. What have you recalled?

---

I went earlier than I would've - partly because I don't know where the Retreat House is, so I try to go with the others :D And... Wow. In the middle of 'normal' houses. Lies. A greek-ish? building. Something out of place. Something :| Haha

Anyway, we proceeded inside and upstairs and inside a room. Well, it was a fairly large room that has plastic chairs enveloping a U-shape around it. In the back-side of the room were two rooms. One room has a wine inside which Chad brought my attention to, lol. Then the other room was dubbed as 'Exorcism Room', because think: An empty room. With a big cross in the middle. And lots of pillows around it. Okaaay, it might not sound like what we saw haha.

So we were there. Waiting. And waiting. And waiting. We were about to start, then someone arrives, delaying etc. Also: "Please call your late blockmates (etcetc)", _while_ they got our phones? Okay, we will just scream outside the window and hope they can hear us :P

Finally, Chris the late, arrives obviously late and the last one to arrive. Ice breaker game time - 'Do you love me?' game or whatever it's called. Well, basically survival of the fittest, and the most cunning. Because basically to survive and not be in an embarassing situation, you just switch with your seatmate <.< And lol, I remember when someone said No, and said rubber shoes, I just sat there. Partly because I didn't heard it, and I copied the excuse of everyone beside me - I'm wearing a sneaker. But seriously, what's a sneaker compared to a rubber shoe, I don't know xD

After that we met our facilitator - and I forgot his name. Basically, the succeeding events went kinda downhill from here.

We were asked about our opinions on several questions if we believe or not believe a statement. Basically, just that, though I did get to reconfirm my own beliefs. A group activity went wrong?

Next is a loooong lecture, under the cold cold room. I don't know about you, but this is booooring. It's more of because I didn't expect actual lecturing about values that day.

Luckily, the next is a bit of a grace. Well, not really. Basically we were grouped, then were asked to enact a 'part' of the 'lesson'. I got grouped with people I know so it's fiiiine. THEN suddenly, they thought "Hey, let's act out the Passion of Christ." and chose me to be the main character just because I had the longest hair? Greaaaaaaat, but it's kinda fun and I had the courage to do so, so why not? Unfortunately, it was a comedy-ish. So it was :D at the same time :|. PS: Paul is the Cross :D

Next was kind of the main event. We were blindfolded and reflected upon the gospel as if we're the blind man in the story. I don't know, but it isn't as baaww-inducing as I recall my older recollections.

Eitherway, I notice something from that. First, I try to be cool-headed, that I'm exhibiting self control on my emotions on the matter at hand, but at the same time being sensitive to the feeling. Well, unlike perhaps in the past where I just let emotions run over me (hence the bawww~ moments).

Next - I'm not alone. The prominent question there is a "What if you were blind?" and everyone would leave you alone. But, I am not. I find myself sound to be alone. Of course, not that I really want to be alone forever, but I'm just, fine with it. Why? The main reason is something obvious, but I only discovered it recently. Illya. I don't know about you, but I was talking to myself at the time and smiling because Illya said something funny about the story, etc.

Last part of every recollection is of course a Mass. And what a massive fail - but I did my part so I can't really do anything about it. Well yeah, we had a Mass. And just like Year-Level Mass during Highschool, I am reminded by those good times. What do I mean? We're scolded for misbehaving, just like in highschool, so it was kinda nostalgic :D

...but something completely new comes, because apart from the reflection paper, the guy-who-will-grade-us gave us a 2-page essay about "Why you should behave during the mass". ;_;

---

Epilogue - it was okay, but not as how I expected it. Unlike past recollection, the only thing I reflected and thought upon is the last part - but it isn't totally new to me especially when I just thought about and posted about it recently.

That - and there's a big problem when a big time of your recollection is spent upon long and boring lecture. It's okay if activities were mixed within the lecture, but noooo.

Okay, time to make that essay and reflection!