[you doorknob]

I guess I'm back to normal. I mean, back to being lazy to write! It's been a week since, uh, the last post and I bring you [3 important events], and a lot of other [trivial but sweet, memorable side stories]. Ahaha

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[sidestory]
It was Friday, Charie's birthday was coming up in two days. By someone's plan, we all suddenly, secretly and magically had flowers in hand and gave it to her. [someone], because I'm unsure :3 I gave her the flower along with a [おたんようびおめでと] to boot. But now that I wrote it, I think it's wrong since rikaichan can't read it write, ahaha.

Also, last PE, didn't get to play :(
[/sidestory]

As if my prayers were answered, come Friday, it happened. Nah, it wasn't a Wednesday, but it's as close as it gets! aylli, chu, pete, 0xp, isbog, sbyc, chad, evvy (for a round or two), ivan (new recuit lol), and maybe someone else that I forgot :)). We played CoD4, Hardcore/Domination which was so fun! I really missed playing CoD4 a lot, but the most important thing?

I missed playing with everyone, not CoD4, not hc-domi, but with 0xp, who keeps killing me when I get sprees. Chu, once a top rival (lol) but now rusty. isbog, still sucks jk! And of course, everyone else. Well, this [story] might be the lighter of the three, but it's that important for me. Ahaha

[sidestory]
Saturday. Last CWTS, we were asked to do some evaluation thingy. And there we wrote:
Students' Strengths: DOTA
Students' Weaknesses: COD
Recomendation: L4D

And by that, we mean D-O-T-Awesome (I already forgot lol), Careless-on-(some)-Days, and Live-4-DOTA. xd

Also, Bats house party. It was fun, but it also made me realize - they are progressing on their mp and we weren't. I was kinda envious that they really had the teamwork to do the mp. They don't have the innate knowledge that's why they work hard, and as a team in order to do it. So, being smart does have its fallbacks... Bleh~
[/sidestory]

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[sidestory]
I installed E:TW. It fails because I need to upgrade my pc. ...and steam sucks. Stop putting steam in my games!

Shiro-shiro died for some reason. It still has the songs and all, but doesn't recognize it. @__@ Even now, I'm musicless when I go to school and back, it feels so. Silent. So I thought about it - who was I before I was this hooked to my shiro-shiro? I recall using her from time to time when I felt like it, but not everyday! Haha
[/sidestory]

Monday. I felt it again. God damn idiot. The jealousy, the envy. It fills up an dwelling anger, rage from within. Okay, that sounds so silly and stupid.

...but yeah. I had the urge to destroy things. Okay, maybe not to THAT extent, that's just plain scary. But I punched a wall or two that day. Actually, I was ready to cut TREDONE because of it.

I felt heavy. So down. Cold and out of myself. Maybe it was also an effect because I didn't had shiro with me, but there's no reason to lie to myself. But most of all, I hate it. Not what was making me feel like this but. That feeling. I've chose to [Take the past, burn it up and let it go], because [I've been waiting for a miracle]. Okay, so maybe I really really needed shiro at that point to let it cool.

Cutting was easy as a breeze, but I wasn't able to cut it due to hesitation. Well, to start off I really really don't want to cut, unless it's a class that really sucks ie. ENGLCOM. So probably why I clung to my seat and prepared myself.

Suffice to say, I didn't regret it. TRED presents to me an answer for myself. I won't go deep with it but... TRED together with talking to Paul, it made me realize, and wanted to change anew. So I said to Paul, I'll get that flag! To be honest, I really really recovered after TRED. From :( to :D, I was ready to face tomorrow!

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[sidestory]
Today, Charie was gonna treat lunch. Well, I (we, with alvy) were skeptical in to going simply because we weren't invite. And we were gonna cut ENGL together xd

In the end though, thanks Charie! We went in PizzaHut after the negotiations, but more like immediate threats made. lol when Gwenie arrived we were forced to go in or we'll be, *gulp* pushed in. I mean, it's a gwenie push equivalent to a witch clawing on you! xd Masochist mode: I want her to try. lol

Also, I ended up attending ENGL because Charie asked us to, in the first place. Alvy didn't though :P
[/sidestory]

But that's where it all flops. Well, nah, I kinda got my flag and all of that.

I made a bit of exaggeration over something and. I didn't realize, I've crossed the border with bats. Gah.

...the difference between this story and the others is simple. This one is still on going.

But to simply put it, I'm putting an end to it. I have to, and there's no doubts or burdens on me. As the song currently playing says: [Erase, Replace, Erase, Replace] It's bro power, and I can't neglect that, so push <3

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Initially, I got some hints from evvy and romy. But I first realized it when he texted me, and I thought, as I always do, of details. The reasons and the whys, both for my side and his. But this isn't a part of that story, it's a part of another thought-

I realize. Why don't I care so much about things? Why is my emotion so reserved and so closed? Nah, call me a girl and I'll smile back. Even if you imitate me and say YOU'RE NOT CARRY, even if you use it in a totally wrong context, it's fine. Anger isn't a word that I have in my dictionary, except for the light light cases of it.

And I thought, as day by day that I open up. More and more. Even the best and deepest problems, they are slowly surfacing. ...so, will I tell the story I told myself I'd always keep behind even though it's such a big burden?

...robots. I conclude now, I am a robot.