[you doorknob]

Relieving myself with the long long week before the exams, I played around. Plurk here, Diablo II here and there, but as usual, the one thing I wanted to do, I can't. DotA! :) Nothing drastic, just the usual la~zy me!

Doing my best for the remainder of that week, I strove hard for our MP. I've been lazy enough the whole time, so removing all the ha ha~s, focusing sharply on the object at hand... Oh yeah~ I missed that feeling! Throughout the term, the sense of actively facing a challenge, the inner nerd within me raged forward. Silly, but true true~ The last MP was notable, the best and my only real MP of the term.

I couldn't call the forgotten Alice-MP, eeew don't even remind me that, as an MP. Neither was the DASALGO MP which was governed by a fake hand. It wasn't the best we, no, I could have done, only a meager part of my own potential. Given the me with an illya now, sigh sigh~ It isn't a display of arrogance or elitism but maybe, just scrimpy regrets.

---

Monday - DASALGO exam. Mantis eater ;___; Oh yeah~ Oh yeah~ The preparation I had was more or less alright. I've practiced here and there, not my 100%, but hey. When did I ever studied 100% anyway? But probably the most awesome part i~s m-a-n-t-i-s e-a-t-e-r~~~ fu fu fu~!

By the way, I drank an ice coffee that morning because evvy wanted too. And I was ignorant to my own body so... 30 minutes in the test and I already wanted to go out to the CR... haha suffice to say I had to hold in for an hour and a half before I was finally able too. ;___;

We play DotA like it's normal to do so~ Then an MP defense later that day. Ah, ObjectP, I have come to reap the fruits of my labor~ We had scheduled to defend on 2pm that day, but probably because we didn't know we could have scheduled as early as 11am. Ha~h Sooo it was clinging on me one by one. It's. So. Slow! My head was starting to hurt especially around 2pm when Sir Dennis shoo'd off the remnants of the 1pm people to go away but they didn't. My thoughts were dwelling on how we are going to be readjusted because of that sooo~ headache headache~ plus, it's so hot.

Thankfully~ After those trolls, it's our turn, along with Gwenie/Cara and Mike/his-pair, the last three that day. Mike urged me to be fast beca~use, he too waited the whole time so I can totally feel where he's coming from. I replied, jokingly implying that that being fast was a given :))

And like a little boy patted in the head for a good work done, a hero rewarded with heaps of gold because for finishing an optional quest, I felt a similar sensation. Ha ha ha~ And Paul and I were saying bad things beforehand for the outlook~ The icing on the cake is Sir Dennis' last statement, which really brought up my heart in joy~ He said something on how he liked ours the most, among those he already checked.

Phew phew, sooo, those sleepless nights and that loooo~oong wait earlier that day was worth it. Becauuuse for me, weeell. I'm a 8) sooo. Haha, maybe it's really really just the feeling that all the hardwork paid off. I actually wanna hug paul and emmy because they were the nearest ones, just becaaause I felt so happy ;__;

I played with Joey later on that day, also maybe to help him to be relieved more because they were facing a grim outlook for their MP. Luckily, I remembered that Chris was at SB and told me to go there. I wouldn't go there because I was really really planning for a crusade but I guess it's fine if Joey's there. Haha, DotA~ DotA~!

Afterwards... Oh yeah no car (doh)! I had to LRT-Jeep home... like I used to do. And of course, part of it was going home with other people, at that time, Joey, and also the others who waited for Joey - Emmy, Gwenie and Nana. I was pushing emmy at that time beca~use I had nothing to do. Like, Demon Kings, lol mr. 2-consecutive-times loser, etc :)) And later on the train he got pissed when I started to tell a story and... Boom! The end! Haha ;___; Sorry na :< I guess, I missed this - going home with them. Then again, in the first place I didn't LRT-home with them often so maybe it's actually a first... Regardless, it was fun and that's what mattered anyway~ Plus, it's a place where I can hone my story telling skills to emmy!

...people fell apart later that day. Including me. Was it sympathy that I felt others' anguish too, or did I really felt down on my own? Nah, it couldn't possibly be, I've got i~llya that's why the latter is not possible! ...or maybe, I was also being sympathetic... to myself, myself of the past. Regardless so, it was a sleepless night, in my own accord; and of course, because of the laziness!

Synchronize synchronize. What really made me connect back, was... the music I used to play repeatedly and repeatedly before. Ha ha, SO I missed my moonsongs. :)) So at that night, in my playlist were the songs I used to listen to. And yeah, that ritual which I used to do until I lost her - listening to a specific song before exams. La la la~ Let's bring it back!

So with few hours left to sleep, I slept. Actually, I could have slept earlier, but I really really wanted, needed to study. ObjectP, I really want a 4.0. A part of me, probably pride, wanted to keep the line of 4.0 for programming subjects. Again, it sounds... arrogant but... That's just how I feel.

---

...Second day. Avoiding ice coffees in the morning, preparing mentally for the exam, and waking up myself because I lacked sleep - Let's do this! . . . and. An hour later, everyone was more or less finished. Haha, it was eaaaasier than I thought sooo ha ha :> I was also given news that the pre-final grade for ObjectP was posted, and Paul said we had a 90 for our Alice-MP. So. I said. There's. Really. Really. A chance! Beforehand, I wanted a high grade at the exam just to hope, even a false one that I can get my wanted grade but now with this news... Woo!

...and then DotA as usual~ This time though, xchan was with us. Memories, I miss him playing! Blockwars, it was fun fun fun~

It was later that day that I told myself, and realize. To smile. Smile~! So I totally removed the elitism I used to have. Confronted with evvy's situation that makes me want to smack him sillyly, bats' confusion which I wanted to say idiot! Instead. I started to smile first, and relayed my thoughts. So I was happy, evvy got back to normal that day. I didn't know the details but... The end justifies the means? Nah, it's a wrong quote that I gave to bats that day too. What I wanted to say, both for this and to bats is, I don't care about the details, as long as you're okay in the end. O~okay. Maybe it meant the same. Whatever. Haha

Maybe because I wanted to get a hold of myself after the day before's ;__;. In a small adjustment, I changed my display name on plurk to [(Person) illya], referring to a typecast to the class Person. Maybe I want to say I'm a person, something to that regard. But I feel really alive now, I guess. People come and go, but how come these people now are so close? Probably because I've left my elitism a year ago but... It's... fun?

And tada~n! Bats drove me home that day. Or rather, just outside my village. Come on, next time drop me at my house already! ;__; ...and again, I forgot. I wanted to crusade. More ;___;

---

Calculus. To be honest, even a day's worth of preparation, I wasn't really prepared. Saying to myself, [100% theory, 0% application], I pushed forward that day. By that, I was relating to my preparation - I studied mostly the how-to's, but never did indulged with practicing. But what really inspired me is the Thinkwell video alvy passed around. Haha, it made me download it on my normal dial up, beca~use unlin time was tooo far! And, yeah, it was awesome. So awesome, we all said, why only now have we discovered this awesome vid ;___;

...the exam. Thanks to my wits, I answered more questions than I thought I would've. Phew, come on next time use that smarts instead of being lazy~ ...but the bad news later. Alvy and Paul thinks they'll fail. Not the exams, or maybe, not only the exams, but the course. As to me, I think I did good but, my quizzes show a bad sum up. If my calculations are correct... The highest final grade I could ever attain is 1.5. And I needed a 2. Even if I'm lazy, I at least wanted to maintain my DL status. But. But. A 1.5. Fuck. I'm lazy, I don't care about grades as long as I reach a certain cut off, and I guess this time I really did it.

Yeah, Professor Burger, why did you only appear to us when it was the day before exams ;__; There's nothing I can do at that point, except to prevent myself from failing. And yeah, that possibility isn't off too, but I had to trust that I at least could get half of the exam. Yeah, I should have. At least, I hope so... I wanted to blame someone, something. Yeah, the prof is as good as a robot, but I guess in the end it's all really up to me. Ha~h...

...and then DotA. What'd you expect from a normal day? :)) I just had to play. Not only was it a standard procedure but. It was probably cal's last game with us. I can't make it special. But at the very least. I want to make it fun for him, for everyone. Haha, that's another dc-core player down ;__; It's simple - next term our sched is totally different so we won't be able to play that often anymore, unless fate conveniently put a same break on our scheds together. I hope so, but I guess it's for the best. Release release, we'll meet each other again~ And it's my part. To not hold down my dcmates, but more importantly, dcbros. I guess in my own way, I'm getting the hang of this leader thing, after...4-5 years, eh?

...and more DotA, this time at MG. Normally I won't go in to detail if the post is not especially about DotA but. We had a game. And. According to bats they are from GenS. lol, a clan with a real clan aspect, they were even chatting to us about their other clanmates etc. Well, to me, if they're from GenS then they're probably a lower tier clan. Their tag was LoDa, come on if it's a ripoff from Loda the former SK player, originality please~ Haha, at least I was keeping cool. ...Or so I thought. Well, after making us wait, it was. illya, joey, bats, evvy, emmy. Against 4 LoDa players + 1, and I think the last one is a friend but not in their clan or something.

Suffice to say. Even from their picks, I didn't even felt afraid. Except that maybe it was so hot. Or because bats was feeling a bit ;__; because he felt the superiority of the opponent because they were a 'clan'. I wanted to say a line I used to say in the past, [They didn't had the honya], haha. Of course, our players aren't as capable as I would like them to be so it's a bit like a pingpong match so even if we had an advantage in picks, the match was still even. Back and forth, oh god knows how we started to become aggressive. ;__; illya, it isn't cool if you keep that trait~ Anyway, it was fun. Screaming every kill, raging and raging, especially when emmy was playing a bit off. In a way, that was one of our best matches in a while, it was fun playing with emmy at a match like that too. And of course, other blockmates were also there watching, I lol'd when nana said [Kill the roach!], referring to nerubian assassin during a push->dust clash. Eek, the longest wall of text!

Afterwards, I had some time off with my blockmates, playing a game here and there. I didn't went home with bats because ultimately and finally... a crusade!

---

Sometime during all that. Or maybe, after that. I've though and decided. Well, probably I was already doing it without knowing it. Besides, I've kinda sorta mentioned about it earlier, I guess. I didn't had that zeal anymore, of studying furiously hard and stuff. Simply because, I never had it in the first place. Study study, the hardest part in my life is to focus on something for more than a day! I'm that lazy~ And I realize, I just wanted a cutoff grade up to par with what I really can do.

No longer did it matter to me if my pseudo-rival was better, beca~use it's pseudo rival for a reason. Pseudo, false. So, a true, real rival, huh? Such person would be... the same as me, with the same goals, to be called a true rival. I guess it paid off in the end when I started to call miggy as my pseudo rival on a whim, because he really isn't a true rival. Now I know the difference, haha. ...but if so, would that mean Ash vs. Gary was a lie the whole time?!?!?! /random

I guess I just want to do my best on the things I can really do best, and, well, just do what I can on others. No need to be the best of something I'm not, just be natural, and naturally it'll come to you~ ...so, does it really sound arrogant if I said my goal was a 4.0 in programming subjects? Because, another thing I did best was being... humble so I don't want to sound unlike one. And by saying that I'm humble, is a contradiction already yo! But in all seriousness, I don't know... I just know, it's normally me that I say something crazy that 4.0 is my goal in ObjectP, but 2.0 for calc or englcom. Good or bad? Arrogant? Humble?

...I guess I've forgotten to reflect and reflect. But that's probably because I am indulging too much on Umineko since my last crusade! Haha, well I do have some things I want to write about, but I want to diverge them in to another post if possible~ Since it's summer, I really want to get started on doing the whole move and stuff, [blog upgrade] if you can call it. Haha

Since summer is more or less at hand, I'd have a list of to-do's in my next post. Hopefully! ...the next one should probably be... Course card. I recall, I never had [Term 2: ***** End!] post, so maybe I'll merge it with 3rd term :))

Till then, I say to thee! Really, I'm lazy to start writing, but once I start, it all flows down by itself~ I'd also like to take this time to thank the people following this - I know there's at the very least, one! :))

...so, did I guess it right? Is this the longest post ever? Gah, I've started to become boring and boring in creating a title for my posts ;__; Again, this long wall of pseudo-reflective text is without pictures. Eek! Well, till then, illya out!