[you doorknob]

...How come I can only create waaaalllls of text nowadays? Hint hint: long post!

Honestly, ever since the first few weeks of the term, it really really felt... awkward, weird. The subjects I've enrolled seemed odd, or maybe it was the schedule. Suffice to say, now that the term has ended, I have to say that it really really was a weird term.

Let's just say. I could have done better, after all that's what happened. Ahaha. Sloth sloth~ Why do you keep pestering me~

It's weird because... I don't know, because of everything? The previous terms were really a leisure compared to this term, we had great profs overall, the subjects are good and stuff. Yeah, probably there's the answer - profs. And subjects too, if I might add.

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Ah, don't get me started with our profs. Two of them are old. ...not to discriminate but now that I thought about it... yeah. That's probably the answer - these profs are too old fashioned that's why I didn't really feel like attending those subjects.

At least, ENGLCOM is a nice language subject, and the prof is an old woman. With that in mind, it's easier, at least when you compare it to something I will write later, since the subject's final grade takes in consideration many factors. The many many essays you'll write, attendance and such. And, some of the essays are group essays, and generally essays are... okay to do so it's np. Though I still don't like the prof!

...but. Geez, why did you only understood it now, me? CCSCAL1 is a different matter. It's one of those direct to the point subject, and it doesn't help that our prof is an old man in his 60s. Doh, but true, ahaha. And since it's more of an [objective] subject unlike ENGLCOM so... even if the old man was really nice, he can't exactly give a high grade unless we really deserve it.

And I guess... I deserved it. That 1.0. Oucheee... I'm saying to myself now that I normally don't have any pride, but now that I think of it. I'm actually full of it! Well, maybe not :P But the point is - I didn't notice it. I had my personal pride of attaining high grades, a bare minimum of 2.0, this is especially so I can be a Dean's Lister. Uh huh uh huh, pride... huh? That's probably why...

...I am finding reasons? Oh why oh why, my first 1.0 subject. My first subject to be lower than 2.0... I hated it. Maybe it really is a part of my pride, despite that I say I don't have a big ego like that but... I hate it. I know others will say, [hey at least it isn't a smiley that comes in the form of 0.0] but. Pri~de. Like, Lucifer of Pride. Ha ha, I guess in a way, this old elitism is still attached to me because right now I'm saying to myself: [...I am born as an elite. It is normal that I get 2.0 and above, exerting lesser effort than others would have]

Eeek! God, that was awfully full of smug and egotism. That was probably stretching the whole elitism a bit toooo much, I didn't really really thought of that! But, it's true in a way. Not the first part, but the second part, it's... natural, easier for me to get high grades compared to others. And I say this without any sense of pride in it, an objective view of the matter. Of course, there's this one fl~aw, sloth!

I have derailed too much on this pride matter. Ahaha, since I've already called the keyword [objective], then... Looking at CCSCAL1 objectively, is it entirely my fault? As much as I wanted to say [YES!], I feel that in part, it's the prof's fault. Hey hey, but now that I say it... It now comes with a subjective point of view. Here's my drift:

Simple, if you're a prof, then your goal, your job is to teach students, right? In whatever way you can, teach teach, make us learn! Looking at it that way is so... dull and void, but regardless of that I guess most profs would pass that [requirement].

Here comes the subjective part. I don't get it, why would some people just want to go in front of the room, lecture, and leave? Why are some profs sooo dull that they just teach for the money? Keyword: Passion, I guess. If you wanted to teach, then teach wholly to that extent, if you see a student going down, then do something!

*catches breath*, but still that is... A very subjective point of view. Objectively looking at it, our prof did tried to help us to really really study. Bleh~ I don't really want to talk about it anymore.

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Those two were the most discouraging classes to attend. Ha~h, and I was a bit disappointed. Until late late in the term, that was the only time where we really had to [program], hone the skills we learned from the past two terms!

8) mode, yes, but. I don't know, the first part of ObjectP is really really dull. I know, concepts concepts, still, the alice project should have been an applied Java project already that waaaay it wouldn't have felt soo... I don't know, weird? Haha, because I have never never programmed, or felt I [really] programmed until March. There was nothing that really needed to be sat in front of the monitor for a few hours and thought of, at least, before the MP hell :)

So maybe, in a way that made me a bit... Rusty? Ahaha, and of course, being the 8) I am, it was kinda discouraging, I guess.

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FWTEAMS was fun, really! Nothing bad about playing basketball, having fun and having a 4.0 like easy! Or, if you're sly, faking to play, just attend and still have a 4.0 like easy! PE subjects of course, the easiest like no problemo!

DASALGO was probably the only [normal] subject I had. Well, I mean, normal major subject. Because it's the only one interesting from start to finish. It wasn't dull in the start like ObjectP, it kept on challenging my thoughts as I learned new things every week. Unlike ENGLCOM. Nor CCSCAL1, but these examples are maybe really because of the profs... Still, it was the funnest subject for a 8) like me :)) *...not to mention... ;___; mantis eaaater!*

TREDONE is okay too. But because it focuses on the aspect of faith and such, it didn't fancy my 8) side, but my. Uh. ^:)^ side? Smiley-punning aside, it was np because naturally, I guess. I'm [good]? I believe? Something to that extent, I find the discussions interesting in a philosophical aspect and not really semantically as with my majors. Ahaha

FORMDEV and CWTS, they're okay too, I guess. Eh from time to time they might be a little bit of draaaag, but it helps because of the exposure to the community, and an extension of knowing yourself more. And stuff :P Lower tier than DASALGO, but definitely higher than ENGLCOM! :))

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Ah, geez. I say goodbye to my DL status, particularly because of CCSCAL1. As much as I hate it, there's nothing I can do. And to think I might finally at least gain something that my stupid parents will appreciate, ahaha. ...crap.

My goal was simple. I once heard of an award if one were consecutively a DL for several terms. I had forgotten the details, or where I've heard of it, but it was simple enough, especially if I thought that it was [me] who was going for it. And then this happens. Really, it's so useless~ Still, I used that as on objective because...

It's attainable. I can say I want to be a Cum Laude and whatnots, and I say this confidently. Yes, that might be possible, might! But. I'm generally, really really bad. Bad with long term plans, it's common to see me struggling half way because... Sloth! Laziness! Indolence! So, I thought, [hey, it's possible! I'll just think of being a DL every term, and *poof*, without realizing it, I'm DL consecutively!], not to mention, having a goal of being a DL isn't necessarily that hard. I'm speaking for myself only though.

Bah. That's why. This term is bad. Bad, bad! For that simple reason, no?

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In actuality. I'd call it a [True] end. I've learned a lot of things this term, though not really academically. The laws of the world? Yeah something like that.

[[[[Warning! The next next paragraphs contains even more weirdness!]]]]

...I'm no longer invisible. Ahaha, reading my first posts of the year, and for the 3rd term, one of the points I tackled is... I'm invisible. Like, no one really sees me or bothers with me, aside from the close friends I have. But this time it's different, I guess. Or maybe, I just really really opened up my horizons more. Ahaha!

Starting slowly, but surely in my circle of friends... Extending one by one.
...I've got to know my new recruit DotAmates in place of some of my old, Evy, Joey, Kikiam (lol) whereas I barely knew them before!
...I've called Bats as my closest friend, because even xchan didn't reach that high rank! Still, he feels like an... apprentice to me. Haha, he keeps on listening on what I say~
...I've started to exchange lulz with Mike, where as normally it would be a one sided prank/joke/whatnot. Ha ha, back to you!
...There's also Nana, wait, nana?! Haha, that in itself is already something, why am I calling someone named Juliene as something odd as [Nana]?!
...Wait wait, of course! Alvy! Though he's been already hanging with us in the past term, I never really knew him at all. Well actually, even now. Ahaha :P
...Gweny! Gwenee? Haha, okay maybe not... In a way she's close to illya, buuut that's easily said because it's [illya] anyway! So, balance balance it!
...And Emmy. Actually, since when did we start the whole sarcastic greetings to each other? But as far as I know, we've stopped that point and instead of [stretching the clay], we've start to actually laying them down one bye one! (...which reminds me I haven't written about 'that' about clays yet)
...Charie too, it's a proof that I already [exist]. Haha, she's usually the first to say [Hello!] when I arrive etc, hey, at least I know I'm not invisible anymore!
...And Cara. From time to time she asks questions so there's a calling. A feeling that I'm needed, or something. Of course she can ask the internet, but still. Even if it's a silly java question it's okay!
...Oh yeah. Haha, romy! The last term, I knew there were two [Joseph]s in the class, but I never really "knew" who was the Joseph who didn't DotA! :))
...And add the imbaboys as well - Pete, Alan, Chad. Only they call me illya anymore ;___; Ahaha
...and everyone else whom I should have an increase in relationship points but I haven't. Whoops.

Though, from time to time it might have not been enough for my part. I mean, I couldn't really help some when I they needed it most and stuff... Ne, illya? lol illya just said.

[Gee, the guy who's writing this must've had a sad, sad life!]

Ahaha, still. It's an improvement!

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Yet I know it isn't enough. Haha, I've also have my own share of downfalls. A simple example: Why am I only focusing on those whom I already know?

Still, I tried. Or rather, illya did. Ahaha, plurking gave way to meeting new people.
...Ary! She was a fun person to plurk with, and really really caring.
...Bullet-nee. Really, I regard her as the big sister I've always wanted! Haha, she's really cool :))
...Bats' imouto, Joey-chan. Haha, she's fun, not to mention a bit of a breather because she's younger.
...Marie! HAHA lol I was shocked when my classmate in ENGLCOM knew me... when we really didn't properly 'meet' each other. She insisted we had, but I really don't recall. Maybe because of this insight, I thought...

...that next term. Definitely another step forward! That way, the next time a classmate adds me on plurk, I won't be shocked! Ahaha :P ...and. GOD, THAT MANTIS EATER I WILL GET IT NEXT TIME ;___;

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Relationships with friends and expanding my horizon, it's already really a big step and can be already give this term the real judgment of a [True] end. Hah. But never forget, here lies the Spart--- whoops wrong quote! Never forget, there's one event that happened this term, which enveloped a change, for better or for worse.

HAHA, but then again, wouldn't many of the things above be possible without this event happening? I'm of course talking about. ...abstractly thinking, as I always use; My first battle. My first loss. Illya: 0-1, Gwenie: 1-0!

A thing of the past but. It's a true end because simply - I've experienced something I've only seen in an eroge :)) But more importantly, this seemed to have opened forth a part in me. Of emotions, feelings, philosophies that I've never known till that time. Of music I've never listened to. And stuff!

As petty and unrequited 'like' that was. It was... fun, in its own, I guess. I can't stop thinking of what-ifs, and I'm trying to search for the [Load] button if it's possible, ahah. But I guess, I'm satisfied with the outcome. Bec~ause, I've learned how to make chocolates, talk cheese and learned the conditions of a real bad end!

...definitely. Weird!

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Still, I am under training. It's a good start, but in entirety. Even if it's really a [true] change within me it's.

[It's useless, it's useless!], as Battler-kun always says. Haha, it's bad simply because. You've neglected a higher goal at hand! Yeah yea~h but then at one of my previous posts. Didn't I said it by then? I realize. I don't really care much about grades after all. Sure, 1.0 is bad, but it won't happen next time!

But the changes. Definitely. A better, brighter future. ...I think I said something cheezy like this in my pseudo-confession. Well, with that in mind or not, it was part of my plan anyway. A step closer in fulfillment one of my new years resolution :D Yay!

I should get a hold of myself though. More, more results are to be expected so... More and more effort! :)

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So. 3rd term. Are you really a bad end? Or is it a true end? Which ever it is. It's done at last and. I might have regrets but I'm too busy already. Looking at the next challenge. So I might have not been a DL, so what? So I've failed 3 heroines consecutively, so what? All I know is. Tomorrow, new DL opportunity arises. Tomorrow, new heroine opportunity arises!

...Tomorrow. Is another step forward. So until [tomorrow] then. :)

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As a side note, I'm trying to experiment a bit on formatting the text etc. And actually an effort to make it readable, really! I haven't noticed it but I'm full of fragments and run-ons when I don't run over my blog entries :)) And should've. There's no such thing as should've! Another thing is the images. Ha ha : > Still, I think I'm getting the pattern of it yay!